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Im sure some of you know, I am back in the US, back in Minnesota and back in Mankato. I arrived back in the states last thursday after deciding to resign my position in PC Tanzania. There were many things that led me to that decision and frankly, it would take a while to explain it all. My thought process was pretty complicated and I am not sure I understand it all fully. In the end it was a personal, gut decision that told me I did not want to live in Tanzania for the next two years of my life. I'll give you a few of the "highlights" that led to me coming home and maybe you will begin to get the idea.

I began my PC application almost two years ago. I started over thanksgiving break of my senior year of college. A lot has changed since then. Two years ago I wanted to see the world and have an adventure. Do something challenging. At the same time it was an excuse that I used so I wouldnt have to look for a job or check out grad schools. But after waiting a year after college, getting paid very little for work that had no pertinence to my future, living at home with no car of my own and saving what little money I could, I felt like DOing something. Right now, the slow pace of the PC and the few tangible benefits left me feeling ... unsatisfied.

My experience in the PC was not as sour as I might be making it seem. Training was amazing, my Tanzanian host family was incredibly inviting and helped me out tremendously. My fellow volunteers were awesome. Full of cool people with amazing past experiences and wonderful views on the future. Incredibly driven people with truely good intentions. As training went on and life at our site loomed, it dawned on me that I was not as excited as others. I was excited for a change of scenery but not so much to live on my own and begin "work". I realized my personal motivation would be tested and I it ultimatly dawned on me that it was not as strong as I had thought.

And my immune system never seemed to agree with the food and water I was consuming. I was sick a few times during training but never for more than a few days and my family took care of me well. I wouldnt say I was healthy when I went so my site after swearing in and within a week I was incredibly sick. I took a trip to Dar Es Salaam to get medical attention and I began thinking about what I was doing in Tanzania. I began realizing how important health was to not only myself but to everyone who lives in a rural environment so far away from healthy food and medical attention. This didnt make me feel very good considering the hospital in my area was not adequate and my trip to town for a balanced diet was nearly impossible if under the weather. So the sickness put me in a bad mood and rather pessimistic about my whole situation but I was not going to allow myself to make a decision I would regret while I was pissed off and sick. I recovered after getting some medication for intestinal bacteria. After discussing my feelings with PC staff I told them I needed to give site another chance.

I returned to my site healthy and in a relatively good mood. However, I quickly confirmed my earlier feelings that this was not going to work for me. I did not feel like I could live in my village for 2 years and I didnt see the point in sticking around for very much longer. I could not act as if I was going to help the people of the village when I had already made up my mind. I called PC on friday and let them know I would be in Dar by Monday and I wanted to resign and return home.

After a few days in Dar filling out paper work and getting everything straight I had a flight for wednesday night. And about 27 hours after leaving Dar I arrived in MSP on thursday afternoon to an entirely different world. Personal vehicles, fast food and 4 lane highways. It feels very good to be home. So I figure I will watch some tv, cruise the web and look for a job. Catch up with friends and family. Enjoy the weather and wait for that first snow fall.