Big Red Trucks

So winter is here in Minnesota. Snow, shitty roads and more snow. As I was driving to work one day I happened to stop at a light next to this huge loud red truck. The type that is lifted and made louder because this guy is awesome and you need to pay attention to him. I was in the outside lane of a double turn lane and he on the inside. As the light changed he sped ahead of me and took my lane after the curve. My words were probably something like 'douchebag you would'. But as I came up behind him at the next light I noticed his bumper stickers. The typical Calvin, from Calvin and Hobbes, peeing on something. To my surprise it wasn't the Ford Logo (Another bumper sticker told me this guy drove a Chevy). Calvin was peeing on Iraq. This man had two of these bumper stickers in his back window along with a bumper sticker right above his back bumper that read 'Dont piss me off, I might confuse you for an Iraqi' This just baffled me.

I began mentally tearing this man apart and making fun of him from the comforts of my own car and his deaf ears. 'Good thing they didnt put a map of Iraq on that bumper sticker, he probably wouldn't know what it was' But it was the lower bumper sticker that really bothered me. I wondered if this man was pissed off at all Iraqis. He surely must be because otherwise he could have excluded the Kurds, who have nothing to do with the current religious turmoil. Or he could have excluded the innocent civilians who are put in danger everyday because of the religious Sunni AND Shia radicals who create the problems. Maybe this man knows more than I do, maybe he is a member of our armed forces... nope, no such bumper stickers telling me about his credentials, no license plate detailing his military career. So I am sorry but I held back as much as I could. Part of me would like to meet this person to find out how he actually came about the idea to put these bumper stickers on his truck for everyone to see. Bold move. I'm guessing this guy doesn't really care though. No skin off my back either. I just hope this guy knows that whenever he drives his truck he is subjecting himself to countless stereotypes and more people than not probably think less of him just by reading his truck. I surely wouldn't want people to judge me without ever even shaking my hand. But its a free country. Do whatever man.

The question I really want to know is where he got these bumper stickers. Who sells them? Do you need to get them from some anti-Iraq website or can you get them at Wal-Mart? Do the vendors of these stickers sell out? Can I get one in a different font? Can I get a 'Hug and Iraqi' bumper sticker too? Can I get a Calvin pissing on France or China? Because I really need to start putting my uniformed world views on my car so people can judge me.

Things that keep me up at night

I get enough sleep. If I dont have to get up early I usually set an alarm anyway so I dont get like 10 hours and feel groggy all day. I normally set my alarm about 8-8.5 hours after I go to bed. On average it has been taking me between a half an hour and an hour to fall asleep. Not ideal because that cuts into my optimum 8.5 hour sleeping regimine. The things that keep me up these days are pretty boring too. If I think about them during the day I think to myself, "who cares, dont worry about it" but they linger before bedtime. Packages falling on me when I worked at UPS were a nightly occurence. 4 hours of stacking packages in walls in semi trailers is a bit repetitive and it just sticks in your mind. The fact that it kept me up at night was rather depressing and a bit well.... stupid. So I quit that job.

Then came the fact that I didnt have as much of an income as I would like. So money kept me up at night. The fact that I am 23 and live at my parents house occupies my mind. I would like to have my own place eventually but that does not look like it is order in the near future. The unknown future is really the kicker. Small things like waiting to start another job can be pushed aside but larger ones like school for the next year of my life or a job interview that seems promising only to not get a call back. So I refer back to my PC days, or my pre PC days of waiting and taking whatevers there, which I hated. So there goes another 30 minutes off of my 8.5 hours.

I think about the people in Tanzania a lot too. Even though more and more are returning to the USA from my volunteer class, I still wonder how my friends are doing a half a world away. I only knew those people for 3 months but its hard to forget those people because of their attitudes and the experiences that we shared which are so foreign to the rest of the people I know.

So I have thought about moving my alarm back to maybe 9.5 hours to accomodate for this restlessness before sleep but I am too optimistic that the day will come when my mind isnt so jittery. I would have never thought that within a couple months span I would lose sleep over how my house is not snake proff and the rats that live there might just be enticing some in as well as the fact that I live with my parents in their house with a full kitchen and indoor plumbing. How is it possible that both bother me? I am not sure. A restless body waiting for the right opportunity I think.

"Timing is everything" and "If it feels good, do it" Two sayings that seem to rule my life. But the first always limits and the second always changes.

Cheza mpira.... play ball

Well i just wanted to add a little kiswahili. Which brings up the fact that I need a new name for my blog.

Since I have been back there is really only one thing that I have done consistently. Watch sports. I dearly missed it this summer and I have come back at one of the most interesting, some say best times of the year for sports. I disagree. I enjoy superbowl/masters/march madness but anyway. I come back to the start of the NFL season, Sunday and Monday night. College Football, Thursday night and all day Saturday. Baseball which is generally friday, saturday... well actually every night of the week. So I have pretty much every night of the week if I want to watch sports. And I have pretty much done so. It doesnt really matter who is on the screen I will watch it. For baseball teams they have to be good and I generally dont watch the entire game. Most of the time I am watching something else and I switch back in between pitches/innings. I cant say that I am the most diehard baseball fan. College football usually works the other way. Saturdays consist of watching multiple games while dodging comercials, half time shows and gaps in coverage. It is beautiful. In tanzania I would remember how much time is spent watching tv or simply listening to it while doing something else. Then I think of all the terrible shows that other people are watching. Lets say I watch the same amount of tv as another person, taking into account I am uneployed and have little else to do. 3+ hours of tv a night. While the average persons might consist of the local news, a sitcom or 2 and some garbage network drama or even worse reality tv, I am watching sports. Entertaining, an industry I would rather support than a network that churns out reality tv shows and the same old police dramas. My sports are supplemented with the national geographic channel, animal planet or I have recently found the Green channel. Thanks to mom and dad for expanding their tv options. And my night normally ends up with an episode of south park, the daily show or colbert report, whatever comedy central provides me.

A little sporadic I know, but that has been my life in the past couple weeks. Who the hell knows what will happen next week and I dont even think about next month or year. And to end a bit of my poetic side, thanks go to my host family in Tanga, TZ. 6-29-09 Enjoy the rhyme scheme.

Mangos migrate to me
Alliteration abouds when asking around.

Talking in prose aint as bad as youd spose

Baba's two phones so hes never alone
Pushing god, who knows
just to feed the watotos
Swahili's no cakewalk
how'd I ever learn to talk
Gonna eat that embe
just as soon as it turns day

Im proud of these lines
not much more than fine
This poem aint dead
But im at the kerosene's end.

back

Im sure some of you know, I am back in the US, back in Minnesota and back in Mankato. I arrived back in the states last thursday after deciding to resign my position in PC Tanzania. There were many things that led me to that decision and frankly, it would take a while to explain it all. My thought process was pretty complicated and I am not sure I understand it all fully. In the end it was a personal, gut decision that told me I did not want to live in Tanzania for the next two years of my life. I'll give you a few of the "highlights" that led to me coming home and maybe you will begin to get the idea.

I began my PC application almost two years ago. I started over thanksgiving break of my senior year of college. A lot has changed since then. Two years ago I wanted to see the world and have an adventure. Do something challenging. At the same time it was an excuse that I used so I wouldnt have to look for a job or check out grad schools. But after waiting a year after college, getting paid very little for work that had no pertinence to my future, living at home with no car of my own and saving what little money I could, I felt like DOing something. Right now, the slow pace of the PC and the few tangible benefits left me feeling ... unsatisfied.

My experience in the PC was not as sour as I might be making it seem. Training was amazing, my Tanzanian host family was incredibly inviting and helped me out tremendously. My fellow volunteers were awesome. Full of cool people with amazing past experiences and wonderful views on the future. Incredibly driven people with truely good intentions. As training went on and life at our site loomed, it dawned on me that I was not as excited as others. I was excited for a change of scenery but not so much to live on my own and begin "work". I realized my personal motivation would be tested and I it ultimatly dawned on me that it was not as strong as I had thought.

And my immune system never seemed to agree with the food and water I was consuming. I was sick a few times during training but never for more than a few days and my family took care of me well. I wouldnt say I was healthy when I went so my site after swearing in and within a week I was incredibly sick. I took a trip to Dar Es Salaam to get medical attention and I began thinking about what I was doing in Tanzania. I began realizing how important health was to not only myself but to everyone who lives in a rural environment so far away from healthy food and medical attention. This didnt make me feel very good considering the hospital in my area was not adequate and my trip to town for a balanced diet was nearly impossible if under the weather. So the sickness put me in a bad mood and rather pessimistic about my whole situation but I was not going to allow myself to make a decision I would regret while I was pissed off and sick. I recovered after getting some medication for intestinal bacteria. After discussing my feelings with PC staff I told them I needed to give site another chance.

I returned to my site healthy and in a relatively good mood. However, I quickly confirmed my earlier feelings that this was not going to work for me. I did not feel like I could live in my village for 2 years and I didnt see the point in sticking around for very much longer. I could not act as if I was going to help the people of the village when I had already made up my mind. I called PC on friday and let them know I would be in Dar by Monday and I wanted to resign and return home.

After a few days in Dar filling out paper work and getting everything straight I had a flight for wednesday night. And about 27 hours after leaving Dar I arrived in MSP on thursday afternoon to an entirely different world. Personal vehicles, fast food and 4 lane highways. It feels very good to be home. So I figure I will watch some tv, cruise the web and look for a job. Catch up with friends and family. Enjoy the weather and wait for that first snow fall.

My first solo trip to Dar

So my sickness continued to a point where I could no longer function at my site. I am an hour bike ride away from the road and a two hour ride from town which is just physically to demanding to do when you feel like garbage. Fed up with feeling like crap and not knowing why, I called the medical office and took a trip to Dar to figure it all out. So with a headache that wouldnt leave me alone and a temperature hovering around 102 that kept me in a constant sweat, I got into Mafinga to board the bus which was supposed to be there at 8. I was told it was late because of all the police road blocks so at about 10 I was informed the bus would be there shortly. About 20 minutes later I watched my bus fly past the bus stand and I half chased after if for a few hundred feet. I then went to the guy who sold me the ticket and he assured me in swahili that I will get on the next bus. So this guy sold my ticked to another bus line and put me on another bus which was over capacity a bit. So i stood but I was finally in my way to Dar not much more than 3 hours behind schedule. I was crammed into the back seat of the bus with 4 other adults and 2 children. About an hour and a half later one man left and I took over the window seat, thank god, I was burning alive. So I sat there straining my neck looking out the window trying to keep cool. You are of course not advised to fall asleep on public transportation because you things will almost undoubtedly get stolen. So after a 3 hour night of sleep the night before I sat there sweating instead. We made 2 stops, 1 I actually got out, used the bathroom and bought some juice. At the other I just bought stuff from the vendors that shove shit inside your open windows and they yell prices at you. Of course the woman next to me had to buy eggs so she leaned completely over my lap as I am trying to drink my mango juice and yelled at the guy with her head out the window. So she paid for the eggs brought them back inside and then yelled at the guy right infront of my face for some chumvi, salt of course. I couldnt shut the window fast enough so no one else could buy anything. With the window closed the temperature soared somewhere near boiling point i am sure. So by the time we got back on the road after the second stop we were still over 4 hours out of Dar and nightfall was not much more than an hour off. Another man from the back row departed at our second stop so that left an empty seat next to me. This was soon snatched by a child who prefered to stand up and look out the back window. I wasnt excited. The thought of putting my feet up... to good to be true. Shortly after dark, about an hour from Dar the child gets restless. He gets up and looks out the window again but something is definetly different. An odor fills the back row that apparently only I notice. I slam my window open all the way and stick my head almost fully outside. This child had surely just pooped his pants. I had no doubt about it. After a bit i bring my head back inside and find the mother checking the pants of the young culprit. Apparently she finds nothing worthy of action and leave the child alone. So for the rest of the ride I choose polution and exhaust over the smell of human feces. As we pull into the bus terminal, I remind myself not to touch the seat as it could have been smeared anywhere. So I get a ride with some taxi driver who has decided to screw me for everythign I own tonight, this was the first taxi ride i had been on where the price just kept escalating after we had already negotiated it. If i had anything in my stomach this would be the time to throw it up in his back seat. That would have been sweet but insteat I pay this man a rediculous amount of money and go into the hotel for the night.

I have been in dar now for a week. Getting healthy so I can return to site. It has taken a while but I think everything that was wrong with me is better now. I havent felt this good in probably close to a month. I still have not really checked out my market town of Mafinga yet. There are a couple of internet cafes there which I could concievably get to once a week. so for now I will leave you. there are still more test results that need to be known.

this and that... creative i know

7-03ish
Its funny how things can change so quickly. I started writing this post about an hour ago. I was ready to pull my hair out after struggling with my brain for hours. It had taken a vacation, with little intent to return. Kiswahili lessons just werent sticking and I didnt know why. I tried to relax a bit as I took the short walk back to my house but I wasnt even able to find responses to simple hello's and hows the news. So that left me more frustrated and I entered my house to find some company that I had to interact with as well. After failing to say anything coherent in kiswahili I felt like an infant. Even after playing catch/soccer with my Kaka (brother) I still wasnt balanced. Maybe it was my blood sugar level or just my attitude but after eating, my whole aura changed. As I sat in near silence with my Baba (dad) eating simple rice and cassava, my body cooled. We exchanged simple sentences about our day, tomorrows plans and even what we are going to do this weekend. I understood nearly every word and his calm demeanor extended to me. So they day is near end and I finished the day like I started it, excited for what is to come and knowingly blocking out the obstacles that I will undoubtedly encounter in the days, even hours ahead.
Training has been pretty amazing so far. My host family has had some medical issues and tonight was the first night they have all been together in our house at the same time since I got here a week ago. Everyone is healthy now (including me Mom) and they are really making it easy for me to learn from them. They know few words of english but they talk slowly and clearly. To understand them I do 3 things. 1. I actually understand the words and know what they mean. 2. I can figure out what they are talking about using non-verbals, etc. 3. I repeat it back to them slowly with a confused look on my face, say Sijui (I dont know) shrug my shoulders and laugh. I have survived so far using those 3 things and it is only supposed to get easier right?
As far as our actually training we are in the language and culture phase. We have language lessons with our group of 4 volunteers and 1 language and cross cultural facilitator in our village. We learn kiswahili from 8 AM to 4 or 5 PM. With breaks for Chai and lunch, and of course we take random walks when our brains freeze from lack of english. It is a process... A long process but totall immersion has to be the best way to do it?
OK so back to my family. I will try and put it in American family tree terms because otherwise no one would understand anything. In other words you would be like me for the first couple days here. Wondering who is who while trying to tell how they are all actually related. Simply, Tanzanians have extened family circles and blood ties just dont matter some times. So day 1 I am pretty sure I met everyone who actually lives in our house. Mama and Baba, 4 girls and 3 boys. When I woke up Mama was gone with one of the girls. Of course I didnt notice this in my flustered state. I found out later that day that one of the young girls, actually the first born of the second daughter, so my niece, was moved to the regional hospital not far away due to malaria and other complications. So I tried to talk to Baba about how she was doing on a daily basis but it isnt common to describe someone as unhealthy so I didnt get the real scoop on her condition. So in Mama's absence my 3 Dada's (actually my sisters) were left to make sure i didnt starve and kept myself clean. There are also 3 Kakas who roam the grounds. 2 younger boys who are the second youngest daughters children. The oldest kaka is the son of the oldest daughter who lives in the regional capital. Baba and Mama also have an older son, whom I met while visiting my niece in the hostpital last sunday. So to recap.... 2 parents, 5 children (3 live here) 1 niece and 3 nephews.



So im posting multiple posts at once. saving some shilingi and some computer life. Get used to it. I probably wont know how regularily I will be able to post until september or something after I have been at my site for a while. Cell phone is coming and if you send me snail mail I have plenty of time to write back.


7-16
Well I have officially lived in Tanzania for a month now. I havent seen any cool animals save for a couple of monkeys, a dead python, a millipede and tons of lizards. I have sweated in the night as the temp wavers in the 80/90s? and I have worn a jacket during the day because the rain and clouds wounldnt warm the air enough. I have washed my clothes by hand and put them out to dry on the line only to have it rain later that day. I have pooped into a hole. Showered with a pitcher and a bucket of water. Brushed my teeth with no water to spit. Eaten countless oranges immediatly after I had just picked them from a tree and peeled them with my knife. Been delivered mangos by boys who I met earlier in the day. The only words I could put together were "I like to eat mangos". I then peeled and ate them on my porch as the sun set behind the house and the lantern lit the pit and the peel as it lay on the dirt. I have shaved as I monitored my face in a mirror no bigger than my outstreched hand. I have ran before dawn on a dirt track as the sun quickly rose over the mountains.I have sat on the beach looking at the waves of the Indian Ocean as I drank a beer. Played euchre with real people not on the internet. Tried to use the internet as I managed a couple of emails in an hour. Although and hour of internet costs not even a dollar, I am more mad about my wasted time. I have stared at the sky as stars emerged, foreign to my eyes yet old as time itself. I have shook the hand of people with no teeth, people with a couple of teeth, people with less than 10 fingers, people with no shoes on, people with no shirts on, people with suits and ties on, people who know 3 languages, people who dont even know 1, children who are afraid of white people, diplomats and poor farmers. I wish I could tell you more about all of those people but presently language is my crutch. I have fallen asleep at 8, fallen asleep at 11 and some nights not even fallen asleep at all. I have been awoken by rain on my tin roof, people arguing, loud music, trucks on the highway in my front yard, cries from native burial rituals, dogs barking, and roosters before dawn. I never know what to expect from day to day and that is why I am here. I learn something new everyday and somedays I have to relearn things I have forgotten from the day before. I have wondered about friends and family, on this continent and others. I have laughed a lot, at myself as much as others. I have cried. I have not loved every minute of it but I have more good stories than bad.

Alive in Africa

Alright so i wrote a post on my laptop and saved it to a thumb drive in hopes that I could just transfer to my blog. Things dont work so smoothly here I guess. SO heres a jist and ill post the rest whenever I can. A week, A month who knows....

I have arrived safe and sound here in Tanzania. Right now we were at a compound in the Capital Dar es Salaam. There are 35 volunteers in health and environment and we have been going through administative stuff, safetly health and some language training. tomorrow we are leaving for our homestays in the north near Tanga. There I will be alone with a family and be studying with a small language group of volunteers. Language and culture will be pretty intense and hopeully it wont be to akward or difficult.

So the dish on the blog will be I will update as much as i can. IDk if my homestay will have elextricity or running water and who knows that muheza will be like. I hope they have some usable usb ports here. otherwise you will haev to settle for poorly spelled, sporadic posts. so hold on tight. I will be doing the same.

salama